I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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