Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
