this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
