Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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