??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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