Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
