1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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