Don't you send me to vm
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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