i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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