Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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