Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
