Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
