I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
