I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
