STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
