Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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