she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
