I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
