i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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