I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
