I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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