I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
