I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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