I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
