I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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