We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
