I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
