there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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