You just made me feel so damn special
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
