It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
