Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just threw up on my dentist
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
