Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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