She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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