dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
