We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you never un-have a 4some
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
