I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
