no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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