Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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