Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
