I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
