this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
