Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
