No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
