I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
MIDGETS
????
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
