What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
