He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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