I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
