Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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