Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
