i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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