If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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