thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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